We are starting late and we have already missed some good humor, so let’s review.
Kelly Preston: That dress is not quite right for the Oscars. Some suggest that it would be okay for the Golden Globe or some lesser show. I maintain that it’s perfect for doing a strip tease for her gay husband. Yo, she’s crazy.
Leo just arrived. We learn that Your Mom is back on the Leo bandwagon! And he’s hot…
Oooh, pretty green dress, who is wearing it? Agh, Celine Dion. Group groan.
Another pretty green dress on Sasha Baron Cohen’s fiancee.
Gwyneth, cut your hair, sister.
Ryan Seacrest cried during the Devil’s Wears Prada? I don’t like to make gay jokes (except for about John Travolta), and I can’t say lame after that woman in the museum yelled at me about it. Sooo, I will say he is just O-D-D.
I Am Your Mom (who we will call E) says Ryan Seacrest is embarrassing. IAYM accidentally calls him Ryan Atwood. Discussion of The O.C. ensues. The Host Couple, Ms. M and D haven’t seen the finale, so shhhhh. Cause the finale was so unpredictable.
Err, a ticker writer just said “Get Well, Britney.” Yeah, good luck with that.
Abigail Breslin looks like a pretty, pretty princess. I think her dress is by Tinkerbell. Ms. M loved her in Signs.
Turns out Your Mom is BFF with Forest Whitaker. She sent him Lakers jerseys. Cause they like to hang like that.
Cate Blanchett: A chorus of “Aww, she’s so pretty.” She makes a funny AND makes Ryan look silly. Awesome.
Eddie Murphy: Looking good Eddie. Hey, where is Melanie Brown, asshole; home with morning sickness? [And our feud continues.]
Clive Owen is hot. He’s hot. Hot. Nothing else to say that.
D didn’t know that Keith Urban and Nicole Kidman were married. How is that possible? D is way out of touch.
Switch to ABC. Goodbye Ryan Seacrest. Go ask your awkward questions elsewhere. You will have plenty of chance at the 107 American Idol shows next week.
Bump watch for Naomi Watts. Is she or isn’t she. Either way, she looks gorgeous in her dress.
Jennifer Hudson: Everyone loves the pockets in their awards dresses these days. I don’t know how I really feel about the dress, but E is pro.
IAYM is pulling for Alan Arkin. Just read today that son Adam directed the third part of the recent Grey’s Anatomy trilogy. Definitely the best of the three eps.
All are agreed that Beyonce should fire her mom as “stylist.” The girl makes some Bad Choices (trademark pending).
Penelope looks amazing in Versace. The color is a bit too neutral — but she pulls it off. It’s the dark hair. On the other hand Kate Winslet looks a little washed out in that pale green.
Cameron looks gorgeous in white. And, those emerald earrings are the perfect accessory. Not sure why she’s presenting though… She’s in Valentino tonight.
Ryan Gosling is hot. Apparently Rachel is working, so he’s at the show with mom and sis. Adorable. Mmmm.
Jada does not pull of that dress. the color is bad, the fit is too severe. Will and the son look very dapper.
Eddie — “Armani does not make a nah-vy suit.” heh.
We have to give a big shout-out to Stirrings watermelon martini mix. This sh*t is good — and getting us through the red carpet. (Um, E, let’s leave the PR hat at home…)
The three amigos — the Mexican directors. Strange name, but okay. LOVE Cuaron. Great Expectations, The little Princess, Harry Potter 3. ALL FANTASTIC. I (E) am still dying to see Children of Men.
I’m reconsidering Kate’s green dress. All together, in full, she looks quite beautiful. Little Children is another I haven’t seen yet. Apparently, D would pick Naomi over her — she was “so chunky” before. Ugh. Men. Kate is gorgeous. And real. And, got to sleep with Patrick Wilson. D also wants to bang Helen Mirren. She’s hot. Aged most gracefully.
Oh boy! It’s starting. Get ready for four hours of tedium and more tedium. And, with any luck, good commercials. The Oscars are the new Super Bowl.